The Chain Reaction

Magcollege na tayo?

2009-10-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

University opens porn course

A university in Taiwan has opened a course to teach students how to appreciate and analyse porn movies.

The Mass Communication Department of Providence University opened the course this semester, reports United Daily News.

To pass the course, students must give a 15 minute presentation in which they analyse an audience's psychological reaction to a porn clip from an academic perspective.

One worried student, who did not wish to be named, commented: "If I get a very good score in this course, I don't know how I'll explain it to my parents."

When registering for the voluntary course, students signed a paper agreeing that if the scenes were too explicit, they could choose to leave the classroom

The teacher, assistant professor Miss Chen Mingmei, said no students had ever left her class but some would briefly cover their eyes during the stronger scenes.

More than 50 students registered for the course, and most of them confessed that they had watched porn videos before.

Curiosity was given as the main reason for taking the course and most admitted their parents did not know what they were studying.

Another student admitted: "I am really worried my parents will see the score report when it is mailed home. I won?t know what to say if I get a high score

"However if I fail the course, I can speak to my parents and suggest that maybe I should watch more porn."

*mula sa site ng mga tunay na lalakwe*

Usapang Sogo

2009-10-05T07:36:00.001-07:00

Sino ba ang di nakakakilala sa logo na may babaeng nagtatakip ng pamaypay sa mukha? Sa totoo lang, Sogo na yata ang pinaka-discriminated at misinterpreted sa lahat ng hotels sa Pilipinas. Pag sinabi kasing Sogo...

Sogo=Sex

Pero astig talaga ang Sogo. Sana bayaran nila ako sa pag-aadvertise ko sa napaka-astig nilang hotel. Ilang hotel ba naman kasi ang may salamin sa ceiling? Pag gumawa kayo ng ano ng partner mo, para mong pinapanood ang sarili mong sex video. Tapos lahat ng TV nila, cable at may Porn channel pa. Astig.

Konti lang nakakaalam nito pero pampamilya din pala ang Sogo. May family rooms at sobrang astig ng service nila. Nung first time ko uminom at nalasing, Sogo ang kumupkop sa aming barkada. Lol. Nag-family room kami, pantanggal amats. Tapos alam na!

Walang nangyari... basta astig talaga ang Sogo.

May isa pa akong kwentong Sogo eh:

Nakasakay ako ng bus kasama yung ate ng kaklase ko dati. Papunta ata kami nun sa Pioneer para umattend sa art workshop ng mga uto-utong shits.

*Habang traffic pa at nakatitig ako sa tarp na nag-aadvertise sa Sogo*

Trina: Uy, tingnan mo, 350 na lang. Ilang oras kaya yun?

Ako: *na-shock*. Tae, hindi ganyan pagkakakilala ko sayo.

T: Ha? Ano kala mo sa akin, weak? Ano, tara... one on one? Baka di mo ako kaya?

A: Akala ko ba magpapakabait na tayo? Di na tayo iinom, magpopoker, maglalaro ng PS2 magdamag at...

T: Bakit anong masama sa pagbabadminton?

*Awkward silence. Mga five mintues. Di pa rin umaandar ang bus*

A: Bata pa tayo. Adik ka ba?

T: Mas adik ka, yung tarp na yellow kasi. Hindi yung tarp ng SOGO

A: Waaa. Akala ko... ano... uhm... uh...

*Yung tinuturo niya kasi yung tarp ng badminton court. Eh madalas kami dati magbadminton nung varsity pa kami ng dati namin school. So ayun, pahiya ako onti. Sorry-sorry na lang ako by Super Junior maghapon nung araw na yun*

-The End-

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Matagal na akong nababanas sa mga sasakyang may wangwang. Sabi nga sa Word of the Lourd, ang wangwang ang sumisimbulo ng hindi pagkakapantay-pantay ng tao sa lipunan. Oonga naman. Kung iisipin mo, bakit pa nila kelangan ng wangwang? Police ba sila? Ambulansiya ba sila na may hinahabol na buhay? Bumbero ba silang naghahanap ng sunog? Tapos akala mo kanila kalsada pag dumadaan sila. Required ang lahat na tumabi.

Kanina pinag-drive ako ng tatay ko ng Picanto. Mag-aral na daw ako kasi malapit na ako mag-college. \m/

May nakasabay kami sa Congressional na convoy ng politiko. Mahaba yung convoy. May Yukon, Expedition, Range Rover at pang-sekyu lang nila yung dalawang Everest. With matching dalawang Motorcycle escorts pa sila, lahat ng yun may wangwang. Dahil radical naman mag-isip kami ng tatay ko, sabi niya, igitna mo yung cute nating kotse sa convoy. Ginitna ko. Nasa pagitan kami ng Yukon na may plate number na 2 at Expedition na may wangwang. Tapos tinabihan kami nung dalawang motor, pinapaalis kami.

Biglang binuksan ng tatay ko yung bintana at nilabas ang kamay na tipong magpapakawala ng malutong na F*** YOU. Pero imbis na pakitaan niya yung mga mokong ng umaatikabong middle finger, ngumiti siya sabay kaway. "Preno mo bigla." Prineno ko bigla. Prumeno lahat ng nasa convoy sa likod ko. Malamang, kahit papaano, nagising na sila sa katotohanan. Nabilib ako bigla sa tatay ko.

Ako nga kahit nagjejeep lang, nakakarating sa paroroonan ko. Tapos sila, nakakotse na nga, nagdala pa ng buong barkada, lahat may wangwang. Daig pa nila si Lord.

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Yey. Sinong marunong magphotoshop diyan? Magkakaroon na ako ng pangalawa kong libro. Yun bang ipapaprint ko sa publisher, limang kopya lang tapos ipapadala lahat ng nanay ko sa mga kamag-anak namin. Wala na nga ako napala sa una kong libro. Pati manuscript ko, pinadala, di na tuloy ako nakapag-paprint pa.

Kelangan ko ng cover design! Medyo nakakapanibago yung bago kong gawa. Di tulad ng una ko, novel yung gawa ko ngayon. Konti lang patawa, masyado daw hardcore yung drama. Ingat na ingat ako ngayon sa manuscript ko, baka kasi mawala.

Pinabasa ko sa nanay ko, tita ko, dati kong girlfriend na nakakakilala sa characters ng libro, sa bestfriend ko, at sa isang random na tao. Eto comments nila. Eto na din yung ilalagay ko sa likod:

"Hardcore yung drama. Pinatawa ako sa simula tapos parang binubutas yung lalamunan ko nung mamamatay na si ******. Ipapublish mo, gayahin mo na rin yung cover ng Tuesdays with Morrie. Halatang ginaya mo eh."

--Tita ko

"Kilala ko yung mga characters mo ah. Fiction my ass. Eh tungkol yan sa buhay-buhay mo nung third year tayo eh."

--Ex

"Ang galing talaga ng anak ko. Astig. Manang-mana sa nanay. Rakenrol!"

--Nay

"Weyst op taym. Walang kwenta. Booooo! Magpatawa ka na lang!"

--bestfriend pa ba kita?

"Wow. Infairness, di ako nagbabasa ng mga ganitong libro, pero napaiyak mo ako. Inspired ka ba ngayon?

--Random na tao

So ayun. First time ko sumulat ng buong novel na english at medyo hardcore nga yung drama. Di ko muna ikkwento kung tungkol saan, basta tungkol siya sa isang tao na narrator, mamamatay na yung girlfriend niya dahil sa cancer, six months daw sabi ng doktor, tapos habang hinihintay nila yung time na magbababay earth na yung may cancer, di sinasadyang ma-inlove sa iba yung narrator at nagkagulo-gulo na ang mundo. Nakakatawa yung ending pero corny kasi last last week ko lang ginawa. Inspired ako pero distracted. Corny ako pag inlove. Basta, basta, may pagka-scientian din yung istorya.

Kelangan ko ng magaling magphotoshop. Magkakalibro tayo...

Scientian Chuck Norris Facts

2009-05-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

What if Chuck Norris is a scientian? To kill boredom before it kills me, I've made a little compilation of Chuck Facts if Chuck Norris decides to study in Quesci.

1. Chuck Norris never learns anything in school... because he already knows everything.

2. Teachers don't teach Chuck Norris. Chuck teaches them.

3. Chuck Norris makes scientific calculators malfunction in shame every math time.

4. In Chuck Norris' vocabulary, there is no such thing as teacher's pet. Only Teacher's Chuck and Chuck's pet teacher.

5. Chuck Norris' favorite food at the Coop ate Ate Duday, Kuya Gani, Ate Doris, and Kuya Winnie.

6. Chuck Norris never had mistakes in any quiz or exam. In fact, He never takes them and teachers simply put "excellent" and "100%" on his blank paper.

7. Chuck Norris has been banned from joining any competition after He won every inter-High School contest before finishing kindergarten.

8. Chuck Norris' teachers do assignments for Him. In addition, Chuck gives them a 200-page essay homework everyday.

9. Chuck Norris once had a wrong answer in a recitation in Botany class. Of course, I was just joking.

10. An analytic geometry teacher gave Chuck Norris a 98 in a periodic test. The said teacher was found dead three days later with his mouth full of chalkdust.

11. If you get a 97 in Physics and Chuck Norris also gets 97, He has a higher grade than you. But of course, Chuck will never have another grade lower than 100 again after another body was found hanging at the Grass Residences' crane... with his mouth full of chalkdust, too.

12. Chuck Norris eats Chemistry and Statistics books for breakfast.

13. Chuck Norris knows how to do fingermath in division of polynomials.

14. A teacher placed Chuck Norris in Avogadro. Chuck felt so insulted and another body was found bathing in his own blood with his mouth full of chalkdust. The senate immediately passes a resolution which establishes section Norris--a section that is higher than Avogadro.

15. Chuck Norris' section defeats Einstein-3 in the basketball intrams, 107-7. Chuck doesn't have teammates.

16. Chuck Norris doesn't run for an SSG position. Chuck Norris is the SSG.

17. Chuck Norris is allowed to enter and leave the school premises anytime after he has fired Kuya Ace... literally.

18. Scientians are required to sing the "Chuck's Hymn" and state the "Panatang Maka-Norris" every flag ceremony.

19. Chuck Norris is so smart that the president appointed him as the first student Dep-Ed secretary in mankind's history.

20. Enrollment in Quesci has skyrocketed by 4000 percent after news that Chuck Norris is studying here spread like a wildfire.

21. Chuck Norris maintains a blog in multiply. His username is mychaelmiravite.

22. The principal finds out the content of Chuck Norris' blog and gave him a 10-day suspension. The suspension was immediately deferred by the White House and the principal was sent to a sad, sad cell in Azkaban.

23. Chuck Norris also has twitter. He is suing Ashton Kutcher for claiming ownership over his twitter ID, aplusk, which beat CNN in most number of followers.

24. Chuck Norris is the reason why Bogart is missing.

25. Chuck Norris also plays Dota after classes (even during class hours). In fact, he owns a certain internet cafe bearing the name Itlogerz.

26. Chuck Norris can do a triple kill in an one-on-one game.

27. Chuck Norris normally reaches Chuck-like in one game, which is 1000 kills more than God-like.

28. You can never leave a Dota game unless you want Chuck Norris to kill you... literally.

29. Chuck Norris has made sex education a major subject, and to encourage students' listening skills, He hired the Viva Hotbabes as teachers.

30. The student handbook states that messing up with Chuck Norris is a Seriously Major Offense and is punishable by death by firing squad armed with ballistic missiles. It also states that this is not only applicable to the students, but to the teachers as well.

31. Chuck Norris counted to infinity--twice.

32. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

33. Chuck Norris' classroom has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

34. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

35. When Chuck Norris recites, everybody listens... and dies.

36. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky teacher to be thrown into the sun.

37. Chuck Norris ordered BigMac at the Coop, and got one.

38. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

39. Manny Pacquiao is Chuck Norris' pseudonym in his boxing matches.

40. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

...and lastly, Chuck Norris is wise enough not to study in a school like Quesci. Just kidding... well, this is how we kill boredom. COMMENTS!

Masbate now an independent nation

2009-05-13T05:03:00.000-07:00

MASBATE CITY - Roughly 500,000 people gathered at the city's People's Park yesterday to witness Masbate's Independence Day rites despite the Philippine Government's plea to talk things over once more.

Provincial Governor Constantin Magallanes, now the nation's prime minister, declared Masbate independent from the Philippines in a celebration that was highlighted by Rodeo Festival's festivites, a parade of Masbate Armed Forces' arsenal, including an air show by the Air Force and a thirty-minute fireworks display.

Magallanes, a retired British Navy Brigadier General, said that Masbate's breaking up with the Philippines was backed up and recognized by international bodies like the United Nations. "The UN, APEC, Asean, and other international organizations have recognized our independence legitimate in accordance with the international law," noted Magallanes in front of local and international media in a press conference at The Capitol. "We also have the support from foreign countries and they even pledged to invest more in our newly-freed country."

Masbate's economy has skyrocketed in the past ten years that it even caught up with Asian giants Japan, Hongkong, Singapore, and South Korea. But the Malacanang clearly doesn't want to give up their former province of 10 million people, insisting that the Masbate Government was not able to comply with the International Court's requirements.

"It is clear that Masbate is still 'unripe' to become an independent country," said Philippine Presidential Spokesperson Ramon Gonzales in an emergency press conference at the Palace last night. "They are still incapable of running Masbate all by themselves. We offered them of running Masbate under the Philippines in a Special Administrative Region status but they just turned down the proposal."

The new Masbate International Affairs secretary Robert Castilla said that their government has done every necessary step that the international law requires for Masbate to break away from the Philippines. He also accounted the results of the plebescite last January in which votes for Masbate to become a nation won unanimously, garnering 89 percent of the 8.5 million votes.

Magallanes also stressed that a national elections will be held in Masbate sometime in August, which will seat their new republic's president, vide president, 21 senators, 45 congress representatives, governors, city and municipal mayors, vice mayors and district heads.

The Masbate Transition Government Board has also ratified its own constitution and appointed secretares to state departments and bureaus. The board has also passed the first resolution in its Transitional Congress which establishes Metropolitan Masbate, an urban conggregation of five highly urbanized cities with 6.5 million of the province's more than 10 million people.

A total news blackout about Masbate's independence is being implemented in the Philippines especially in the Greater Manila Area.

(More photos and blogposts @ http://mychaelmiravite.multiply.com/)

2009-04-23T23:37:00.000-07:00

THEY MADE guesses in 2007. They gave their two cents’ worth in 2008. This year, they will again try to answer the age-old question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Here’s why, according to some political personalities, government officials, and celebrities:

1. Former President Joseph Estrada: “Binantaan ko ang manok — kapag hindi kayo nagkaisa ng iyong mga sisiw sa pagtawid... ako na mismo ang tatawid at iiwan ko kayo sa kabilang side ng kalsada.”

2. Senator Manuel Villar: “What road? C-5 or Carlos P. Garcia Avenue?”

3. Senator Panfilo Lacson: “I absolutely had nothing to do with it. My conscience is clear.”

4. Senator Manuel Villar 2: “Anong chicken?! Itik yon!”

5. Vice President Noli De Castro: “Bakit ka lilipad pa kung kaya namang maglakad na?

6. Congressman Jose De Venecia: “I will not testify even if the Senate conducts a probe on that matter. I’ve already corroborated the statement of my son who saw the chicken when it crossed the road.”

7. Senator Mar Roxas: “Pu*ang inaaaaaa! Ano bang tanong yan?! Paanong di maglalakad yon eh hindi naman siya marunong sumakay sa padyak?!”

8. First Gentleman Mike Arroyo: “I don’t care about the chicken. I am more concerned about the road. I think it needs repair. When is the bidding?”

9. Bayan Muna congressman Satur Ocampo: “Bilang protesta sa pang-aabuso sa karapatang pang-hayop ng mga multinasyonal at dayuhang korporasyong katulad ng KFC, Texas Chicken, Kenny Rogers, at McDonald’s.”

10. Broadcaster Ted Failon: “The chicken was having some problems. It tried to commit suicide by crossing that very dangerous road.”

11. Quezon City Police Officer: “We’re not sure yet if it crossed the road or not. The path where it allegedly crossed was apparently cleaned up, thereby contaminating the evidence.”

12. ABS-CBN: “Let us respect the privacy of the chicken.”

13. Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez: “That chicken is crazy!”

14. Senator Richard Gordon: “I was able to talk to someone from the other side of the road and he confirmed that they’re holding the chicken hostage. There’s proof of life.”

15: Defense Secretary Gilbert Teodoro: “The good senator is endangering the life of the chicken. He should let the task force do the talking.”

16. Brother Eddie Villanueva: “Jeremiah Chapter 9, Verse 10: I will weep for the mountains and wail for the desert pastures. For they are desolate and empty of life; the lowing of cattle is heard no more; the birds and wild animals all have fled.”

17. HK Magazine columnist Chip Tsao: “You’re a nation of chickens!”

18. Public Attorney’s Office chief Persida Rueda-Acosta: “Why not? It has served its minimum sentence. Allow it to walk free!”

19: Subic rape victim Suzette “Nicole” Nicolas: “To marry!”

20. Alabang Boys: “To parteE!”

21: Pampanga Governor Ed Panlilio: “To quarry!”

22. DoJ State Prosecutor John Resado: “I will answer that question if you deposit 1.6 million pesos to my BDO account.”

23. Fashion designer Boyet Fajardo: “Mga leche kayo! Hindi n’yo ako kilala? Ako si Boyet Fajardo! Fashion designer ako, hindi sabungero! At yang put*ng-inang manok na yan walang kuwentang hayop!”

24. Pambansang kamao Manny Pacquiao: “ABS-CBN lawyers made the chicken do it, you know.”

25. Actress Annabelle Rama: “Ang kapal ng mukha ng manok na yan. Matapos kong bigyan ng patuka, siniraan pa ako sa mga alaga kong sisiw! Idedemanda ko siya! At sasampal-sampalin ko pa pag nakita ko! Sinimulan n’ya yan... tatapusin ko!”

26. TV executive Wilma Galvante: “I helped the chicken cross the road, yes, but I categorically deny asking for eggs in return. Hindi kami nasusuhulan dito.”

27. Dr. Hayden Kho: “I am not exactly sure why, but I do have proof that the chicken crossed the road. I videotaped it secretly.”

28. Dr. Vicki Belo: “I told the chicken: If you want to look like Piolo Pascual or Dingdong Dantes, stay with Belo. But if you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to the other side of the road.”

29. Madam Auring: “Nakikita ko... nararamdaman ko... gaganda ang buhay ng chicken this year. Mangingitlog pa siya nang marami.”

(The next day, Tabloid headline: “Manok... nasagasaan, patay!”

And due to insistent public demand, I’d like to belatedly add another answer to the question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

30. Senator Lito Lapid: “All of the above!”

Estudyante Blues...

2009-02-24T05:50:00.000-08:00

-Kung bibigyan ka ng pagkakataong sabihin as buong mundo ang laman ng utak mo, ano ang sasabihin mo?

-'Yan ang oportunidad na ibinigay sa akin ng internet. Hindi ako aktibista, hindi rin peryodista, lalo namang hindi artista. Pero dahil sa internet, nasasabi ko ang gusto kong sabihin... dahil sa internet, hindi na mahalaga kung sino ka; mas mahalaga ang sasabihin mo at kung may paki-alam ba sila.

-Dahil sa internet, buhay high school ko parang naiba. May mga oras na nabaliw ako at tinanong ang sarili, "normal ka pa ba?" May mga oras din na dahil sa mga taong allergic sa blogs ay ginusto ko nang mag-apply para sa life insurance at magpakamatay. At may mga oras din na mas high pa ako sa mga naka-singhot ng rugby dahil nalaman kong maraming tao ang nasa likod ko... at hindi sila mga pangkaraniwang taooo.

-Dahil sa internet, nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataong matamasa naman 'yung tinatawag ninyong 'freedom of expression'. Nilagay ko sa personal kong blog ang mga araw-araw na nangyayari sa buhay estudyante ko at kung paano ako dito nakaka-survive. Nagpatawa ako, nag-share ako ng nalalaman, nagsulat ako na parang bibitayin na kinabukasan, at syempre, tumuligsa ako. Dahil sa blog ko, nasuspend ako ng sampung araw; at kahit isa't kalahating araw lang ako di pinapasok sa Kisay, masakit pa rin yun, puwera pa sa mga nakakatakot at nakakatusok na mga salita na galing mismo sa bokabularyo ng mga taong dapat nagtuturo sa atin kung ano ang tama at ang mali--at sa pili ng mga salita nila, hindi mo mahahalatang "Dr. Principal IV", "award-winning research teacher sa loob at labas ng bansa" at "bagong adviser ng isa sa mga pinakamagaling na schoolpaper sa bansa" sila.

-Sinadya kong i-private ang blog entries ko noon. O sa mas madali 'nilang' maiintindihang salita, mga kaibigan ko lang ang makakabasa at binigyan ko ng karapatang makabasa nito. Nasa isip ko kasi noon, problema natin 'to, atin-atin lang ito. Kumbaga, usapang pamilya.

-Pero alin nga ba ang dahilan ng sinasabi niyong sanhi ng pagbagsak ng bakal na logo ng Kisay sa ulo ng mga Scientians? Ang apat na estudyante ba na nagpakita ng loyalty at pagmamahal sa Alma Mater, o ang mga taong pilit pinagtatakpan ang mabahong hangin sa ilalim ng mga medalyang napapanalunan ng mga kawawang batang nalilito kung tama pa rin ba ang ginagawa ng mga mas nakakatanda?

-Nagreklamo lang ako. Bakit di niyo lutasin yung problemang rineklamo naming mga estudyante? Bakit yung mensahero yung binabaril niyo?

-Kung balak niyo barilin lahat ng nagsasabi ng nararamdaman nila at lahat ng may ayaw sa pagpapatakbo mo sa school natin, pustahan tayo, kalahati pa lang, ubos na bala niyo.

-Balik tayo sa pagiging normal na high school student ko... Sa tingin ko, normal pa naman ako. Tulad ng 1000+ na Scientians na pumapasok araw-araw sa lugar na tinatawag na Kisay, sumasakay ako ng jeep; nale-late din minsan; nangongopya ng assignment; kumakain ng mga tinda ni Ate Duday sa Canteen; nakakatulog habang Research; nagdodota sa uwian... See? Normal pa rin ako.

-Malamang, nagkaiba lang tayo sa mga nangyari. Nakita ko ang mga pangyayari. Nagreklamo lang ako. Pero kahit nagkaganito ang unang tatlong taon ko sa high school, may maikukuwento naman ako sa mga magiging apo ko...

-Kasi kung hindi ako, e sino? Eh kayo? may pakialam pa ba kayo sa Alma Mater natin na minsan ding minahal ni Bogart?